grace covered, full of hope.

Today was another early morning serving at the shelter in the University District.  I hate waking up for it (I am such a night person), but afterwards, I am so thankful.  I am making my faith tangible, and it’s about giving something up (for example; sleep), that most normal human beings would not.

In conversation, I have learned about and discussed the truly sacrificial cost that comes with living in the name of Christ.  For instance- I am called to minister justice and to proclaim the Kingdom of Heaven.  Proclaiming that Kingdom doesn’t come naturally, nor does it come easily, even though it is the most valuable concept in my mind’s vocabulary.

I would rather sit on the bus and listen to my shuffle, than talk with the woman next to me.  I would rather watch an episode of Scrubs than go out to share a conversation with a neighbor.  I would rather spend the $50 on some new jeans and a cute top than send it to World Vision for relief in the DRC.  I would rather be selfish and keep my bitter thoughts to myself than to confront my sister about how much it hurts me.  I would rather sleep than wake up early on my ‘weekend’ day to go to serve at a homeless shelter.

The will and the Spirit are in such constant opposition.  My eternity-minded self wants to ‘grab life by the horns’ (thank you Dodge commercials) and live every day by abandoning my selfish impulses and being consistently faithful to His call.  But my flesh is just SO annoyingly weak.

There is a piece within the book of Romans, where Paul literally wrestles through these issues.  He says:

    “The law is good.  The trouble is not with the law but with me, because I am sold into slavery, with sin as my master.  I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do the very thing I hate.  I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good.  But I can’t help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things.  I know I am rotten through and through as far as my old sinful nature is concerned.  No matter which way I turn, I canm’t make myself do right.  I want to, but I can’t.  When I want to do good, I don’t.  And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway.  But if I am doing what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it.  It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.  I love God’s law with all my heart.  But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind.  This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.  Oh, what a miserable person I am!  Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?  Thank God!  The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”  Romans 7:14-25

The beauty in it all is the grace we are free to take hold of.  This is the grace that doesn’t ask us to give up our paycheck, to feed the homeless three times a week, to memorize the New Testament- in order to be securely loved and fastened to his promise of eternal hope.

The true joy within Christianity only comes from that place of true submission out of love and reverence for Christ’s call.  It is holy, and it is hard.  He asks us to take it seriously, not because our works will save us from ‘certain death’, but because it is in this serious selflessness that we will truly find him and all that is his character and his Kingdom.

I hope that makes sense to you.

And I hope that we find this place together.

‘you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.’
-for one more day

Today was sort of a “break” from all the questions.
After work, i took the bus down to the St. James Cathedral.

It was quiet and serene and the atmosphere called for reflection.  The lights were low and a hundred candles filled corners under monuments of the saints and Mary.  After sitting in a pew for several minutes, I laid down with my head resting on my bag.  I couldn’t focus in enough to pray or think, so I just laid there, staring up at the stained glass reflections and golden arches.

There is something so intensely holy about the cathedral.  The smell, the streaming light, the whispered prayers.  I will be spending more time there- when I need a place to just think straight and alone.

I also stopped back in the Pike Place market to see some old friends.  After the cafe shut down, I left ‘coffee’ and since, haven’t gone downtown too often.  Anna and Annette are at the old Post Alley store still, so we had some good conversation about traveling and Christmas vacation, family, etc.  What a refreshment.  The friends I made at SBC will really stay with me in memory and in spirit.  For a long time.  It’s been difficult to remain connected (not working with them every day is possibly the culprit), but I really want to continue to make an effort with those wonderful, wonderful people.  I appreciate them so much.

I had the wonderful opportunity to lead our ‘house church’ experience this evening, and aimed to foster a discussion on the first eleven verses of Philippians.  We ate jambalaya (a newfound favorite), and taught each other a bit more about what Paul might have meant when he said to “love appropriately”- not only more, but better.  I am still wrestling with what this might look like for me, for the church, for Christians in general.

Sunday night was such an encouragement (I believe to all of us).  The faces are becoming friendships and I am excited about the progression.  Every Sunday morning, I have been serving at a youth shelter called ROOTS (Rising Out Of The Shadows) in the University District, and this last Sunday, Kari and Jeff came along.  Jeff lead with excellent professionalism, and for the first time in a long time, I felt- peace.  I guess what I mean is, I am starting to recognize faces and develop trust with these young people.  I am waking up at the buttcrack of dawn because I love them.  I seriously, deeply, compassionately love each and every child in that shelter- and I think they are finally starting to see that.  If only through a warm, joyfully prepared breakfast.  Maybe being the hands and feet of Christ really isn’t such a painful task. Could it be true that his yoke is easy, and his burden is light?

What I’m saying is; when we finally begin to discover how to use and work out the talents and passions He’s given us- it’s not always easy at the beginning, but he makes joy out of it, eventually.  The yoke becomes easier to bear, the burden gets lighter.  And this burden of love is one not to be taken lightly!